Getting Through Christmas After Divorce: A Gentle Survival Guide

Honestly, since the first day I moved out , I haven't been looking forward to Christmas. I've been intently aware of the fact I will be alone for certain days and that, that will be hard.

As it draws closer and closer I'm feeling the weight of the season. When the kids are around I feel lighter and more engrossed in the holidays, but I also find myself fixated on making sure I'm maximizing all the Christmas joy. When the kids are gone, I can't wait for the holidays to be over. It feels like a stark reminder of what I've lost and an obligation I'm doing my best to get through for everyone else.

So, I wanted to write this blog post as much for myself as for anyone else who might be experiencing the holidays post-divorce. If this is your first Christmas after divorce, or even your fifth, and you’re feeling a mix of sadness, relief, guilt, loneliness, or all of the above… you’re not doing it wrong.

Christmas after divorce is complicated. Traditions change. Families split time. Kids ask questions you don’t quite know how to answer. And the season that’s supposed to feel joyful can feel heavy.

This post isn’t about “making the best of it” or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about getting through Christmas with a little more steadiness, a little less pressure, and a lot more self-compassion.

1. Let Go of the “Perfect Christmas” Idea

Before divorce, many of us were already chasing a version of Christmas that didn’t really exist. After divorce, that pressure can feel even louder as it mixes with feelings of guilt and grief.

This year doesn’t need to be magical. It doesn’t need to look like last year. It just needs to be real.

If some traditions fall away, that’s okay. New ones can come later. This year is about survival, not spectacle.

2. It’s Okay If You Enjoy Parts of It (and Hate Other Parts)

One of the strangest things about Christmas after divorce is how conflicting it can feel.

You might:

• Enjoy decorating with your kids but cry after they go to bed

• Feel relief during your “kid-free” time and then feel guilty for that relief

• Laugh at dinner and then feel empty on the drive home

None of those feelings cancel each other out. They can all exist at the same time.

You’re not heartless. You’re human.

3. Have a Plan for the Quiet Moments

The hardest parts of Christmas aren’t always the big events. They’re the quiet gaps—Christmas Eve after the kids leave, Christmas morning alone, or the evening when the house suddenly feels too quiet.

Plan something gentle for those moments:

• A walk

• A movie you’ve already seen

• Ordering your favourite comfort food

• Calling or texting one safe person

You don’t need to fill every minute. You just don’t want to feel stranded in your own head.

4. Give Yourself Permission to Do Less

You don’t owe anyone your energy this Christmas.

It’s okay to:

• Skip events

• Leave early

• Say “not this year”

• Lower expectations for yourself

Healing takes energy. Grieving takes energy. Co-parenting takes energy. Doing less isn’t failure, it’s wisdom. It's self compassion.

5. If You Have Kids, Remember: They Don’t Need a Perfect You

Divorced parents often carry an extra layer of guilt during the holidays. We worry our kids are missing out. We worry we’ve broken something we can’t fix.

But kids don’t need a flawless Christmas. They need:

• Presence

• Safety

• Love

• Permission to feel their own feelings too

If they see you being honest, steady, and emotionally available, even if you’re imperfect you’re doing more than enough.

6. You’re Allowed to Grieve What Was

Even if the divorce was necessary. Even if you’re better off now. Even if you don’t want that life back. You can still grieve the version of Christmas you thought you’d have forever. Grief doesn’t mean regret. It means something mattered.

7. This Is a Season, Not a Life Sentence

It might not feel like it right now, but this version of Christmas is not permanent. Things will soften. Traditions will evolve. The pain won’t always feel this sharp. You’re not “behind.” You’re in the middle of becoming something new.

If Christmas feels heavy this year, that doesn’t mean you’re failing at healing. It means you’re still human in the middle of change.

Be gentle with yourself. You don’t need to win Christmas. You just need to get through it.

And that is more than enough.

For more on divorce, parenting and mental health follow Matt on Instagram.